Archive for love
And The Two Shall Become One…Easier Said Than Done….But Very Possible!
I’m up getting the dog walk in early….Me up at 7am?…My what has happened to me? I used to be able to stay up so late!. Now I find myself going to bed early just to snuggle up under Bigbaby, my husband who goes to bed around 8:30 or 9pm…..
Now more often times than not, I’ll slide out of bed around 11pm headed to my office to flop on the couch and catch up on some late night sitcoms. For some reason, I find solace in my night owl mode.
Last night wasn’t any different, this morning I found myself waking up on the couch in my office. As I woke, I grabbed my phone to call Bigbaby (That’s what I call my husband. His name is David but I only him by his name when I’m upset with him…lol)
So anyway, I realized I couldn’t because he was at work. But its that wanting to talk to him, always be around him, can’t get enough of him mode I like living in. At times though, its not always like that. The reality of marriage is much more complex. There’s quite a bit of give & take that couples need to know about.
I think people get caught up in the euphoric stages of dating, then onto the glorious wedding day and think that married life is going to be one long honeymoon…..
Well, I came to tell you that marriage is WORK!…
Think about it…..And the two shall become ONE
That’s where the work is going to come in right there in the “become” part.
Here are two people who brought two different mindsets, beliefs, upbringings, rituals, ways, customs, cultures, eating habits….you name it. Some how within the marriage, the two have to find a way to blend those things to become ONE.
For us the blending was even more complex because it included kids from a previous marriage. Talk about tension!….But Bigbaby & I were so committed to each other that we tugged, pulled & pushed til we came together as ONE.
See, when we got together, his kids didn’t like me & my mother didn’t like him….lol…Each side plotted & planned to get us to not see each other anymore. I don’t think they meant anything by it. They just lost a little of us in their lives because he & I spent so much time together trying to get to know each other.
From day one, we have been inseparable… Really, I never believed in love at first site but I’m here to tell you that it does happen.
We met through his sister who was my assistant as I taught Youth Bible Study. At that time, I was writing book that eventually I’ll get around to publishing.
Anyways, I was a pretty good pool player…Pool shark I’d say….lol… Back when I was night clubbin’, it was pretty hard to win a game from me to get me off the pooltable…Girl Power right there!..lol
So I get a call from his sister one night asking if I’d like to go play pool with her & her brother. Once I found out it was the cute one,Bigbaby, I was on my way. For once in my life, I got somewhere on time. He showed up next but the sisters were late which left he & I to play a game of pool & get to know each other.
Immediately, there was something there. I couldn’t really explain it. But I knew it deserved further investigation. At the end of our time playing pool, he invited me to Denny’s for a bite to eat. There we sat til the wee hours of the morning laying our hopes & dreams out on the line. The most engaging conversation I’ve ever had with a man….
The next day he came to pick me up to hangout again. It’s been over 10 years since that day and we’re still hanging out laughing, working, sometimes fussing but always helping each other fulfill those dreams we talked about.
Sounds lovely right?…..What I haven’t elaborated on is the fact the ongoing struggle we had trying to get the kids on board with this world wind romance. The days that my stepson & I would go round & round about how things were to be placed in the kitchen. The meeting that was called by the kids to talk their dad into ousting me from the family…
Oh I haven’t even started to talk about how my mother didn’t have a problem telling me or Bigbaby he was not the one for me. Like a lioness protecting her young, she’d ask him, “You back again?” as she sat & stared him down while he waited for me to come down the stairs so we could head out on our next date…..
And the two shall become ONE…..easier said than done…but very possible…..
Yes, very possible. See, we both had to decide within ourselves whether the love we had was strong enough to withstand the turbulence that life brings. Once we deduced that it was worth it, we had to figure out a way to make all sides come together to get everyone on the same page.
For Bigbaby & I that meant sitting our family members down one by one and letting them know that we were going to be together regardless of what other’s thought and that we’d all have to put forth an effort at making things work.
So I set out to close the gap on my relationship with my stepson & stepped towards him as a woman who was placed in his life to help him grow. I’d ease over to his room and start conversations. At first, I didn’t get a response but gradually, we found common ground. Now, we have a warm supportive relationship.
And Bigbaby did the same with my mother as he noticed how she was always watching sports when he came over. He began to come to visit her not just take her daughter away. Now, I hate to be around them because all they talk about is sports as if they’re the only two in the room.
So, my point is this to anyone who is getting married, wants to get married, been married but its now on the rocks….. the two becoming ONE is very possible….but it’ll take some WORK.
No its not all about you. One side shouldn’t get their way all the time. Sometimes, you have to do what’s best for everyone. Even if that means making a sacrifice. Even if that means losing control over your domain. Even if that means you doing most of the bending. Eventually, things will roll around and you’ll be on the receiving end.
And it is in those moments my friends that the two begins to become ONE…..
One mindset…. Its scary but Bigbaby & I are beginning to think alike and finish each other’s statements…
One belief…We both are growing in God. Joined a church and now follow the same Word….
.One upbringing…We found we have a lot of childhood things in common.
One ritual…. One way… One custom…. Now we do things that best fit our household…..
One culture…..We both have come to love a lot of the same things….Some more than others. Now, I watch more sports with him & he watches more chick flicks because of me…..lol ,
And yes, even our eating habits have become similar both with their own little preferential twist….but still its coming together…..
So I say work on your relationships because you can’t help but grow closer. Put your time in because you can’t help but be energized by the strength of the relationship that will be produced. Keep doing what you have to do to keep it fresh & new to keep the heartrate of your relationship beating strong.
Most of all, pray separately & together for God to guide you all through…..For without Him, there is no coming together….
For what God has put together no man can separate!.…
My marriage is amazing! Bigbaby is my bestfriend and keeps me laughing and yes…..sometimes crying! What a ride this has been & I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I have grown so much as a person, a woman, a wife & helpmate over the years. It hasn’t always been easy “Becoming ONE”…..But I thank God He has given us the love, wisdom & strength to do the WORK!
Until next time…..I’m GloFly
Living In Butterfly Mode 